


Just hold me please

by Illyria_Lily



Series: Supernatural Comfort for different things [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bulimia, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illyria_Lily/pseuds/Illyria_Lily
Summary: So i wrote this as a comfort thing for myself a couple months ago when I was having problems, it's also on my tumblr (The solo moose-kateer)And I decided that because I'm kinda moving my stuff to AO3 that I should put this here because it's an important thing to me.





	Just hold me please

**Author's Note:**

> So i wrote this as a comfort thing for myself a couple months ago when I was having problems, it's also on my tumblr (The solo moose-kateer)  
> And I decided that because I'm kinda moving my stuff to AO3 that I should put this here because it's an important thing to me.

You finished gulping down the second glass of water and ran into the bathroom connected to your room to do as many jumping jacks as you could until you were nauseous. Leaning over the toilet you slipped your fingers down your throat and began the ritual you’d developed a while back. You should never had eaten those leftover french fries from the diner you and the boys hit on the way back to the bunker. By some miracle Dean only ate his whole cheeseburger and half of the fries that he ordered. Sam told you that you had to order something, so you decide on the lowest calorie filled salad the diner had. Dean said that you needed to take the fries back home because someone would eat them and it wasn’t right to let such goodness go to waste. Well, he was right, you didn’t let it go to waste despite the yelling in your head telling you that it was a horrible idea. ‘One moment on your lips and a lifetime on your hips.’

The boys were out taking care of a vamp nest two towns over, you hadn’t gone because you took some decent hits from the hunt you’d just returned from. Leaning back from the white bowl to wipe your lips again, you didn’t hear Sam and Dean calling your name to announce that they were home. “Y/n?” Dean opened the door to your room. Dammit you thought you had time.

“Y/n?”

“One second.” You hollered with a shaking voice. You didn’t mean for your voice to shake.

“Are you okay in there?” You heard Dean’s boots walk up to the locked door. “Y/n unlock the door.”

“I’m fine, Dean. Really, I’ll be out in a minute.” You tried to convince him.

“And really, I don’t believe you so unlock the door.” He retorted.

“Dean.” You huffed at him.

“Y/n.” He used the same tone, you could practically feel him scolding you. “Unlock the door or I’m breaking it down.”

“You don’t have to break it down just give me a minute.” You pleaded with a quivering voice.

“I’m counting to three and if you don’t unlock it, I’m knocking it down.” Dean commands.

“Dean, don’t.”

“One.” He starts. You back away from the door, he’s really gonna break the door.

“You’re making a really big deal out of nothing.” You try scoffing.

“Two.” Your back hits the wall that stands about ten feet away from the doorway.

“Three.”

Silence.

THUMP.

The door gives at the middle hinge just barely.

THUMP.

“Dean?” You whimper.

THUMP.

Wood dust falls from the hinges.

THUMP.

CRASH!

Dean falls down after the door as it unceremoniously crashes to the floor with him on top. He groans when his shoulder rams into the wooden door.

“What the hell?” You say under your breath. Dean looks up from the floor and stands up with huffing breaths.

“That’s what I’m asking you.” He looks to the bowl and back to you. “Wait a second, were you making yourself throw up?”

“Um…” There was no point in lying because of what he’d just seen. You decided to get it out, you knew this day would come eventually, you just wanted to keep it as far away as possible. But that wasn’t a choice now. “So what if I was? I said I’m fine.” You shrugged your shoulders trying to stay casual. Don’t overreact, please! You thought to yourself. It was almost as if saying it loudly in your head, he’d be able to hear you out loud.

“You are so not fine! You think this isn’t a big deal?” Dean steps towards you. You try to set back only to be stopped by the wall you were inches from a moment ago. “How long have you been doing this?” He asks with a quaking voice.

“A few months.” You whisper. If he hadn’t been listening to closely, he probably wouldn’t have heard you.

“Why would you do this to yourself?” His breathing starts to shake like yours.

“I needed to lose weight, I’m fat and I’m slow because I’m fat. And I feel horrible just being around you. You and Sam are built like-like gods and I’m just here, little and, just, I’m just-” You start to cry. You didn’t want the waterworks to start flowing but now you have no control. “I just wanna be like you guys, I wanna be able to fight an-and I wanna be little so I can fit where you want me to, and I wanna help, but I can’t do that if I have so much holding me back!” Dean stands in front of me, but not disgusted like I thought he would be, he looks more heart broken.

“You don’t need to do this to do any of those things. You… you are like us, your strong and you-”

“Don’t give me that crap. The ‘you’re a great hunter’, ‘you’re already perfect the way you are’. I don’t wanna hear that, because I know it’s not true, it’s-”

“No you listen to me.” Dean interrupts. “This isn’t ‘crap’. This is the truth and the truth is exactly what you just said. You are a great hunter, you’re a badass that can take on anything that comes at you. You don’t take ‘crap’ from anybody, so you shouldn’t take it from yourself. I know that there’s pressure from everywhere to be perfect. Demons and monsters and sons of bitches taunting all the time, jerks at bars that we go to. It’s everywhere and I know it’s impossible to get away from and that it’s hard to tune it out, but hard is life. And life is… is fighting and kicking back at things that kick first. It’s putting one foot in front of the other everyday, and you know what? It’s fucking hard, you think I don’t know that. But you don’t have to do this to get over the hard things. Especially the small things like if you’ve got some meat on your bones.” He almost to the point of tear now, his face is red and you can tell that he’s doing everything he can not to reach out and tug you into a tight hug.

“I,” You mutter, you try to speak again, this time louder. “I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to be better.” You run into his chest and try to hold back the tears.

“Y/n, you’re the best. Please stop doing this, you don’t need to.” He wraps his arms around you as soon as you crash into him. “Just tell me what you want me to do, I want to help you.” He mumbles into your hair. You hold back sniffles and mumble into his shirt.

“Just hold me, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel better, you don't have to do it no matter what the voice in your head tells you. Please know that I'm always here to talk and I'm happy to write more things for anybody that needs/wants it.


End file.
